Looking around the house, I realised that we did not possess a chimney. Not a problem. The modern day Santa didnt require one. His methods were a lot more contemporary and blatant. He preferred the front door. Waiting for his arrival, I anxiously paced the length of our lounge. It was now past midday and there was no sign of him. I wondered if perhaps he had lost his way. I hoped that Santa had packed his GPS. To kill some time, I flopped down onto the sofa to watch some TV. Skipping past the infomercials, I managed to find the only thing worth a second glance. A 30 minute slot comprising of new release movie reviews. Although I didn't really trust these things. One man's Spielberg is ultimately another man's poison.
Then it happened. The doorbell rang. I was there in a flash. I greeted Santa whose real name was on his name-badge. Dave. Instead of a velvety red top and matching leggings, he wore the standard khaki shorts and collared shirt. The reindeer driven sleigh in the background had been replaced by a Mercedes powered truck, containing countless other goodies, unclaimed as yet by their eager recipients. As he handed the package over, I almost felt guilty for not offering him any milk and cookies. But at just over $1400 that I had forked out for my gift, I figured he could find his own damn sustenance. I signed my name on his electronic hand-held device as proof of receipt although I had no idea how my digital signature (which now resembled more of an abstract spiders web than it did my surname) would hold up in a court of law should my purchase ever be queried.
Back inside, I hovered over the package, wrapped in brown paper with an invoice casually plastered onto the side. Moments later it was split wide open, morsels of polystyrene drifting in the air and decorating the table top. There it was in all its glory. My latest baby. A brand new Canon EOS 50D digital camera. I took a few moments to admire it. Unspoilt and untouched as of yet by human hands. Perfect in every aspect. Gingerly, I prised my fingers around its frame and gently raised it from its crib. Nestling it in my hands, I felt its weight, rotated it and viewed it from every angle. The back, sides, bottom. Unmarked and unblemished. After the admiration started to fade ever so slightly, I realised that baby was naked and it was my fatherly duty to correct that. Firstly, I threaded the ends of the neck strap through the relevant sections on the chassis, adjusting and tightening accordingly. I then swiftly connected a lens to the face, twisting it until I heard its familiar click. Next, I slid the flash unit into the hot-shoe on top and lastly, a memory card to complete the process. With all its added accessories, my child was now a lot heavier. They always grow up so quickly don't they...
One final component was all that was required. Baby was now dressed, all it needed was to be fed. The single, re-chargeable battery was larger than what I was used to, and it did the job perfectly. Now with food in its belly, he was ready for action. Flicking the power switch into position, an LED on the back panel blinked, signalling his rise from slumber. Spinning around, I searched for my first unsuspecting victim. My wife was on the couch, in the middle of an important call. Perfect. Within an instant I had focused and the muffled gurgle of the shutter's motion signalled that the image had been captured. Immediately reviewing it on the screen, I was amazed at the clarity, the contrast and saturation of colour. I was proud. My child had passed its first test with flying colours. It deserved a reward. Possibly a bigger memory card or maybe an extra few batteries to sustain his hunger. But that would have to wait until next payday. Until then my son...
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